on...topic: thoughts - insightful

Friday, January 18, 2008

I am from Alabama, after all

I admit it...I'm staying up late tonight to see if it snows.

Snow doesn't happen often enough here to not be a big deal. I've lived in Birmingham over five winters, and I've seen snow that accumulated one time. And even that wasn't all that much.

I guess it's also the inner child in me. I like seeing it snow; I love seeing the ground covered in white. It'll be interesting if it does happen, seeing it on my own yard for the first time. I think about Ricky and Tammy's new baby, about the fact that she might see snow for the first time before she's two weeks old. Part of me wishes we already had our new dog so we could see it playing in the snow. I hope that there's enough to make snowballs, so I can have a snowball fight with my wife for the first time (entirely good-natured fighting, of course).

Snow's more magical for us here in the south. Up north, it's just another seasonal event. (For what it's worth, we probably take warm beaches for granted.) And I'm glad that I'm not so grown up that the part of me that wants to see the magic happen as soon as I can can still convince the tired man who worked hard all week to stay up, just in case crystalline ice flakes fall from the sky.

And given that, even if it doesn't snow, I think it's time well spent.

11:19 PM | link

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

the night of 1000 words

Here it is, my friends...the entry that will have you recalling the banner years of pressing on...where posts occurred every day, and sometimes more than once a day, and tended to be longer than just a couple of paragraphs. The entry so huge, it's filed under four, count 'em, four, categories.

Do I sound enough like an NBC promo?

So, anyway, it's two o'clock in the morning. And I will probably not be going to bed anytime soon, even though I have to get up tomorrow at 9. The reason why will be revealed at the end of the tale.

So, anyway, yesterday Kelly was over here, and I was showing her some of the stuff that I accumulated over the course of my Alabama BCM days. Stuff like the "One" awards that I got in choir, and the two Valentine's Day bags I made, and various other random effluvia. But, lo and behold, what else did I find in there but two gift cards that I had never used and had given up for lost!

One was for Pier 1, and was originally worth $50; the other was to Bed Bath and Beyond and was originally worth $100. Hey, money I didn't know I had! So what else would any red-blooded American male do with it? Shopping spree!

Okay, so that last part was said tongue-in-cheek. But still, I thought it would be fun to buy some new stuff for my apartment. Kelly was more than willing to go along with me. I found that she likes to see what I go for as far as gadgets and stuff.

Now, let's go ahead and be honest. I have a bachelor apartment. I fully understand this. And when I move in with the guys next year, I will have a bachelor's bedroom in a bachelor apartment. There isn't a lot in the way of frills with me. I have one ficus tree, and it's fake. I had two candles, one almost burned out and the other a tiny Yankee candle "sampler". I have one of those large checkers rugs, complete with checkers, for a tablecloth. So anything that I got from Pier 1 was bound to increase the girliness of my apartment by at least a few percentage points.

When I got to Pier 1, some slightly disappointing news awaited me. My gift card, because of it's being unused for so long, dropped all the way down to $22 in value. The BB&B card was still good for $100, though, so I was pretty happy about that.

I think I did pretty well for myself on the whole. My purchases for the day were:

Total amount spent: roughly $70. Actual money spent: $0! And amount still left on the BB&B card: $52.35!

A few notes about some of the purchases:

So since Kelly had girls' night out, I came on back home and got my purchases out and played. The waterwall is now set up and going. The candles (still unopened) and the holders are out too. I washed the pots; this got me somewhat inspired, so I've cleaned up the entire kitchen, changed the light bulbs in the overhead lights in it, ran the dishwasher, done laundry, and even printed out some pictures that were on my computer so now I have actual physical pictures of Kelly instead of just the ones on my computer. So the apartment, while not really any more girly, is definitely upgraded.

I realize that I probably could have made this same update in a matter of a few sentences, but I guess I'm feeling verbose tonight. Maybe it's a way for me to try to delay what's coming up today.

At approximately 9:30 this morning, Kelly is going to knock on my door, and I am going to take her to Jacksonville and put her on a plane that will eventually put her 6,000 miles away from me for five weeks. It's going to be one of the hardest things I've had to do. And at the same time, it will one of the easiest things I’ll do. She knows that she was going on this trip before she ever met me. She knows that it's something that she's supposed to do. And even though it's hard for me to put her on that plane, it's easy knowing that she's going where she needs to go.

Today marks twenty weeks.

Oh, and the word count, according to Word’s counter: 1000.

2:16 AM | link

Monday, February 10, 2003

thoughts on one month

Taking a little downtime after a hard day of writing and debugging code, I've stopped to think a little bit about what the past month (now a month and two days) has meant to me.

9:07 PM | link

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

in rememberance

I was one of the lucky ones. I had three and a half more hours in the old world than most did.

At approximately noon on September 11, 2001, I awoke and started my daily routine, the first thing of which involved breakfast. I don't remember what I was getting. I just remember saying good morning/afternoon to Mr. Guy (what I call my grandfather).

"Boy," he answered, "have you seen this about the plane flying into the building?"

I hadn't, I answered, and continued to get whatever it was I planned to eat. Then I went into the living room to see what he was talking about.

Suddenly, I wasn't very hungry anymore.

For the next few hours, I stayed glued (as most did, I'm sure) to whatever news source would give me updated information. A lot of the time, that was the web. Of course, I got the initial story from a hindsight perspective, but the following stories came in fast and furious.

I was in shock. As I'm sure we all were. After all, we'd just had our last hours of time in the old world.

We now know what we think is the entire story. We know that American pride is not as lost an idea as we all thought it was. We learned that we are not immune to the evil that this world has to offer, nor are we so unreachable that other nations will not rally to our side.

We've deployed into the field, and continue to deploy, men and women that we know, that are close to us. We worry about them. After all, we're not living in the old world anymore.

Now a year has passed. It's September 11th again. Today people will have birthdays and celebrate anniversaries (my friends Matt and Heather among them). Today most people will more or less live their daily lives as they did back then. But not all of them. There will be people, whose lives were so changed by this single event that life as they know it now is completely different, irreparable because of tragic loss.

I feel for them. And I know that you do as well.

This is but one of I'm sure thousands of entries that will be posted about the events of the day and how it changed their lives. Others will probably respectfully decline to post anything today, and I completely understand that as well.

But I write to make this point: believe it or not, some good things happened as a result of this. We were immediately made aware of our mortality in a way that none of us could have imagined before. We'd never thought of planes themselves as instruments of war before. But it brought home the knowledge that it can happen at any time to you, no matter what your state of body or mind.

As I said earlier, we came together as a nation. And that's important. But even more, we came to God a little more as a result. And as something completely counterproductive to what the terrorists were trying to accomplish, I think that's a little more than irony, don't you?

These two things combined should serve as a witness to us that since the days are indeed few, we need to take the time to tell our fellow man. To those who are Christians and reading this, that means you, and that means me.

To any of you who are not Christians, I'd like to extend to you the opportunity to e-mail me any questions that you might have. Obviously, I can't reach you face-to-face, but at the same time, I'd like to help in any way possible. E-mail me (link is in the left-side menu, under "contact"). I'll go ahead and tell you. I don't have all the answers. But I know where I can look to find them.

12:18 AM | link

Wednesday, November 28, 2001

In defense of the real tree

So I went over to Stacy's page today and answered the poll question. I'm kind of surprised at the results so far.

I mean, I know that I just went and bought an artificial tree myself, and I claimed that it was the "perfect tree", but it's only as good as an artificial one can be. There's just something about a real tree; there's its texture, and of course the way the whole house smells like pine (or fir, whatever your preference). Sure, it's a little more upkeep, but there are some handy tips to help out with that. For example, a small rake works wonders for getting up all the needles...

Real Christmas trees aren't perfect. They're usually shaped well, but there's always a spot that isn't quite as full as they should be. In my opinion, this is actually a good thing. I've discussed this before with respect to the ornaments on the tree, but it's just as true for the tree itself when it's real.

And it's not just about the actual tree itself; it's also about the background behind the tree. For about five or six years, in my middle and high school years, our family got real trees. We always had a great time going around to the various farms and finding the right tree. Of course, being the one to find the tree was a badge of honor worn throughout the season.

With an artificial tree, you open a box and assemble it. Admittedly, the process is faster than a real tree, but should something like decorating a Christmas tree be about speed?

I know that some people can't have real trees for various reasons. And I know that some people can't afford to get a real tree year after year. But if you can do it one year, I'd say try it.

10:43 PM | link

Wednesday, November 21, 2001

Things I'm thankful for

What are you thankful for?

6:30 PM | link

Monday, July 30, 2001

passing through the gates of time

NW 5th and Robinson.

I'll never forget that intersection.

My cousin Hesper and I made our way into downtown Oklahoma City that Monday afternoon. We went to Bricktown and ate at a wonderful Italian restaurant. Then we walked around the canal for a little while and went over to Bricktown Ballpark, the minor-league baseball stadium.

Then Hesper asked, "Do you want to go see the Memorial?"

We drove up to the intersection of NW 5th and Robinson. I noticed the rubble on the other side of the street where the YMCA had once stood, not yet cleared.

As we walked up to the Memorial, the first thing that I noticed was a huge granite pillar with an inscription on it:

WE COME HERE TO REMEMBER
THOSE WHO WERE KILLED, THOSE WHO SURVIVED AND THOSE CHANGED FOREVER.
MAY ALL WHO LEAVE HERE KNOW THE IMPACT OF VIOLENCE.
MAY THIS MEMORIAL OFFER COMFORT, STRENGTH, PEACE, HOPE AND SERENITY.

Then I walked through the entryway, and passed through the gate of time.

Inscribed on the back of that pillar is "9:01". On the other side of the memorial grounds, a similar pillar simply states "9:03". They stand, twin bookends forever for that moment in time that we shall never forget.

There were a few people around the grounds that day. Many were standing by the reflecting pool that ran for most of the way between the gates of time. I found out later that this area was where NW 5th Street originally was before the bombing. It was closed off for use in the memorial grounds.

Then I took a look to my left, and saw the chairs. All 168 of them. I learned that they were placed in honor of the location of the fallen in the building. There were nine floors in the building; nine rows of chairs echoed the loss.

We walked around to "the fence". This was where people had left items in remembrance of the victims. Most of it has been taken down, but a section remains for people to leave things. It was still full, with everything from letters to flowers to ribbons.

The museum was not open, so we came back around to the grounds and walked up to the Survivor Tree, the symbol of the memorial. It was an American Elm that endured the blast and rubble and still stands today. Surrounding it was a terrace with a vantage point of the entire memorial. I saw the tree and the inscription written on the wall surrounding it, then took a long, slow look out at the entire memorial grounds, again to the 168 empty chairs, the reflecting pool, both gates of time.

Then, I said "Okay" to Hesper, and we headed back towards the "9:01" gate of time to her car.

Passing back through the gate, I knew that I had just done something very important. The goodness of people is often disputed in today's world, but seeing this memorial firsthand brought to mind the people that died and a nation that sought to comfort the survivors in any way they could. I would later learn that people came from all over the country to help these people, and didn't ask for anything in return. The memorial stands as their tribute as well.

If anyone cares anything about being an American, they owe it to themselves to one day take a trip to Oklahoma City. Go to the intersection of NW 5th and Robinson. And pass through the gates of time themselves.

12:51 PM | link

Friday, February 2, 2001

the power of teaching

Yesterday, I taught someone how to make a web page. Today, I helped my campus minister set up Outlook on his computer to check multiple e-mail accounts.

Big deal, you say. And yeah, it might be. But something really hit me when I was doing those things. I discovered, again, how much I really like to teach people how to do things. It really makes me feel good about myself when I can help someone learn how to do something, and when they feel good as a result of having done it.

In the classic golf journal, The Little Red Book, Harvey Penick tells of one of his favorite pupils of all time. She was a young lady who just wanted to learn how to play golf well enough to enjoy the game with her husband. The problem was that she could never get any loft on the ball at all. He worked with her and worked with her. And finally, she hit her first shot into the air. She was elated that she had been able to finally hit a true golf shot. She eventually reached her goal, and started playing with her husband regularly.

Penick's point in all of this was that it's the simple joys of teaching that make teaching worthwhile, like seeing someone succeed and begin to understand (and maybe even enjoy) something that you love to do. In Penick's case, it was golf; he was perhaps the best golf teacher of all time. In my case, I love helping people with web design and computers in general. I don't necesarily have to get paid to do it (in fact, both of the situations I mentioned I did for free); payment can be made with an understanding nod, a "thank you", or genuine interest in what I've shown them.

That's the power of teaching. It's something that makes both the teacher and the student feel good.

6:41 AM | link

Saturday, December 2, 2000

Christmas tree life

Ever noticed that you never see an ugly Christmas tree?

Doesn't happen, does it? Everywhere you look, whether the decorations are handmade or storebought, old or new, all one color scheme or a tremendous variety, it all looks right when it's on a Christmas tree.

Now, there are particular ornaments that come to mind (usually my handmade efforts as a child qualify here) that could be classified as "not-so-nice-looking". But even when you intersperse these among everything else, it all looks right.

I'm 23 years and change old now, and one of my favorite things to do still is look at a Christmas tree all lit up with all of the lamps and overhead lights turned off. There's something perfect about it, as if in that one moment everything is just right with the world.

I've sometimes wondered why that is. I guess that you could just call it part of the mystery of the season. But I prefer to think that we're more in the spirit to see the beauty in everything.

Translating that to the everyday, we need to see the "Christmas tree" in everything in our lives. It's hard to do on a day-by-day basis. I know. But you'll notice that there are people who can do it. You'll also note that they tend to be very happy and content with their lives. There's something to it.

I'm trying to live my life being content with it. I don't always succeed, but when I do, I find that I can find the "Christmas tree" in things.

2:04 AM | link

Friday, October 6, 2000

23

Once again, today is my birthday.

23 years. You know, it doesn't seem like a very long time at all. And in another sense, it seems pretty long. I mean, I've only been working on this site now for somewhere around four years. I've been in college almost five and a half.

I'm usually pretty introspective on my birthday. I'm not sure why. It just always works that way. I guess part of me always is asking "what did I really do this year? What made this past year worthwhile? What did I learn?"

I mean, my sister and brother-in-law started a new life together, for the most part, anyway. Most of my college friends that I had when I was an undergrad have moved on and done the same. Moving on to new parts of your life seems to be the right thing to do as you grow older.

I haven't done that quite yet.

So as I type this, I'm thinking to myself, "What have I done?" But actually, this year, I think that I've accomplished a lot. I made it through the first year of the MBA program, which anyone will tell you is a feat in itself. I had a "real job" for the first time in my life this summer, and actually did all right at it. I didn't go under. I've lost 17 pounds and gotten in the best shape I've been in since high school.

I've also learned to be more open and outgoing around new people. (Thank you, MBA program.) I've learned to have some fun at my own expense and not take myself so seriously.

Maybe I've done more growing than I originally thought.

You don't usually grow very much physically after you're 21, so I doubt I'll ever be any taller. (I haven't grown much myself since I was about 15.) But I've got a lifetime to grow in other ways. Looking back, I think this year was a good growing experience, much like the other 22.

Many thanks to my family (love you mom and dad) and friends, without whom I wouldn't be who I am today. Many of you will never read this, more than likely. To those who do, thank you so much again.

4:38 AM | link

Saturday, May 6, 2000

Parting Shots 2000

(or, some of what I learned this year)

Wow. Where do I begin? There were so many things that I could touch on. But I'm going to concentrate here on what the MBA program's first year gave me, because that was my life for the most part this year.

On one of my previous thoughts I talked about "touchpoints". I defined a touchpoint as anything, anywhere, or anyone that you can go to and feel at least somewhat comfortable around. This year one of the things that I learned was that the MBA program doesn't offer too many of these. It's not its fault; it's its nature to be difficult. Some of the people, however, became very good touchpoints. For possibly the first time, I've made really good friends in my classes. I think that that's because we all went through this together; we're the only ones who understand what we've managed to accomplish (well, the only ones at this university, anyway). And that's not just first-years (I don't know if you'll ever read this, but if you do, thank you so much for everything, Mandy).

I've been reminded once again that you really can't change your way of acting, even around new people. I'm still not that comfortable around large groups of people, and I don't know if that will ever change; much as I tried to be outgoing, I'm still not at the comfort level where I'd like to be. I've learned that not having that ability is kind of difficult in the business world. You need to be outgoing to really make it. Luckily, I've managed to learn how to pull off extroversion in two-hour or so spurts. It's still not easy, though.

I learned that business school isn't easy by any stretch. I've learned that Peter Robinson was absolutely right, and I recommended his book to practically every prospective student that I hosted this year. That is not to say that business school wasn't worth it. On the contrary, I think that it was, overwhelmingly so in fact.

And yes, I learned a lot about statistics, accounting, economics, organizational behavior, production and operations management, finance, management information systems, and yes, even marketing. And that's the truth. One of the big reasons that I came to this program was to get an understanding of the basics of business, and I think that I've done so.

What else has this program given me? For one, a new mindset towards solving problems. Before, problem solving meant having the problem and designing a solution to it, be it a computer program or a mathematical equation. Now, problem solving includes actually figuring out what the problem is. It's given me a whole new way of thinking about everyday things. I've had to learn a lot of teamwork concepts. Most of my projects in my undergraduate days were either solo or with like-minded individuals. Here, I've had to deal with people from vastly different backgrounds, and while I didn't normally take the lead on things, I did when I had to. I've learned even more about time management. I admit, I thought that they were feeding us buzzwords at the beginning of the year when they talked about it. But I've learned that sometimes it's impossible to get it all done the way you want it done, so you just need to do as good a job as you can on all of it, but make sure that it all gets done.

But what's perhaps the biggest thing that this program gave me this year was a sense of accomplishment. Not many people choose to go down this road, and not all of them make it. I started out with no business acumen, and I've come a long way since then. I feel that whatever decision I make concerning my career, I'll be better equipped to do it as a result of this year.

I haven't learned yet what I want to do with my life. Luckily, I've got another year to figure that out. :) I've got a few ideas running around my mind right now about what I want to do with my life that I would never have thought too much about before this year. We'll just have to see what the next year holds to see what I'll do with those ideas.

12:49 PM | link

Tuesday, February 29, 2000

happy leap day

Today is February 29. Happy Leap Day!

Today is also a really special day. Other than it being February 29 (a once in four years occurrence), it's February 29 on a year ending in 00 (a once in four hundred years occurrence). Plus, it's a special day for me...today is the day that I've officially started my training.

Training, you ask? Well, here's the deal. In the past, I've not liked things about myself. I point out my flaws quite often, especially when looking in the mirror (and they're not always physical ones). I would look at myself and say, "I wish that I didn't waste time. I wish that I read my Bible more and had a quiet time with God. I wish that I ate healthier and that I worked out every day." And on, and on...

Then I decided to do something about it.

Thus began the formation of my creed. It's not posted anywhere on this site, but here's the gist of it...I want to better myself in these areas:

So basically, I'm wanting to become closer to God in Bible reading and prayer. I'm wanting to become stronger physically and keep my body healthier by working out and eating better. I'm wanting to expand my horizons and become sharper mentally. I'm trying to spend my money more wisely and make it work for me, instead of me for it. I'm wanting to use my time more efficiently; not to the point where I have everything scheduled and I don't have any free time or fun, but where I get done what I have to get done without waiting for the last minute before it gets done.

That's a mouthful.

It's also a lot to undertake at once. But I've started it this morning (it's about 8:30 a.m. as I write this), and I really am feeling better about myself already. I've had a quiet time with God, I've worked out (yes, I'm a weakling on the bench press, but that's okay...it's going to get better. Plus, my arms and chest are actually sore for the first time since high school!), and I've eaten a reasonable amount of cereal for breakfast. (That's right, mom, I ate a half a bowl. And not half a Jethro-sized bowl, either. :) ) I feel really good. And I've got a full hour before class, and I'm ready to face the day!

I know that it's not always going to be easy to get up three hours before my first class every day so I can go work out, and there will be times that I'm really going to want a burger. But I figure that the end result (a happier me) will be worth sacrificing some of the little things.

It's Leap Day...and I'm taking a big one with this training regimen.

8:36 AM | link

Tuesday, February 15, 2000

good grief

As a child, I always read the comics. (Some things don't change as you grow up, and for this I am thankful.) Of course, the first one on the front page was always "Peanuts". On how many newspapers was it not?

I didn't usually laugh at "Peanuts" back then. Looking back, I realize that it's because I didn't understand the humor. Now that I'm older, and perhaps a little wiser, I can understand a little more about Charlie Brown and the gang.

"Peanuts" was never about physical humor or obvious one-liners, though as a child I did usually laugh when Lucy pulled the football away from Charlie Brown and caused him to miss. (I don't laugh about that anymore; it's probably because I was a kicker in high school.) But things that they said back then that didn't strike me then do now. For example, in "A Charlie Brown Christmas", Lucy is complaining that she always gets stupid toys or clothes and that she never gets what she really wants. When Charlie Brown asks her what that is, she replies, "Real estate." I, personally, find that quite humorous now.

Another thing that "Peanuts" dealt with was unrequited love. That's a subject that I'm familiar with, though probably not to the extent that Mr. Schulz was. But Charlie Brown's perpetual crush on "the little red-haired girl" is something that I can really identify with. Charlie's interest never changed; mine, to this point, always has, but the point is that I understand what he is going through. I identify with what Schulz was trying to communicate, and it brings an important point to light; sometimes comic strips are not about making you laugh. Sometimes they're about making you think.

Charlie Brown played the lovable loser for the most part, but sometimes he had his moments in the sun. He hit a home run one time to win a game and stop what certainly is one of the longest losing streaks in the history of sports. He even got to give the little red-haired girl a kiss once; he didn't remember the rest of the night because it made him so delirious with joy, but Linus was there to retell it all. And the interesting thing is, knowing that Charlie Brown won sometimes makes you, the reader, feel good. It gives you hope for your own little troubles and anxieties, even if they're not as important as winning a game is to a child.

It took me a while, but I finally understand a lot about what "Peanuts" means. And now, Charles Schulz is gone. 50 years of work is left behind. 50 years of insights into the human condition. Many thanks to the real Charlie Brown for performing this labor of love.

Because now I understand.

12:38 PM | link

Friday, February 4, 2000

the ultimate Cinderella story

Yes, I know that by now we all know about how Kurt Warner and the Rams have gone from grocery store bag boys and NFL also-rans to MVPs and world champs. But think about a couple of things, if you will.

In ESPN the magazine's preseason NFL edition, according to analysis on every team's starters, the Rams were chosen dead last in the NFL. Dead last. Behind the Cleveland Browns.

Every starter had a one-line tag that summarized their worth to the team and a rating from 1 to 5. Kurt Warner rated a 1 (the only starting quarterback to get such a rating); his summary was "Okay Arena Football cred, so relax. Wait, yikes!"

Of course, we all know the rest of the story. They were wrong. Absolutely, positively, 100% dead wrong.

Now, I don't know about you, but this helps to restore my belief in the little guy coming out on top in the end with enough hard work. I mean, think about it. This guy worked at Hy-Vee last year. The Rams were 4-12. Things like that just aren't supposed to happen. And you can make your argument that they had a soft schedule. The truth of the matter is that when the playoffs were over, the only team in the playoffs who had not lost was the Rams. And the quarterback who'd rated a 1 by ESPN the magazine was the NFL MVP and the Super Bowl MVP. Too bad he didn't get to go to St. Louis to celebrate...he had a trip to Oahu coming up.

Wonder what he'll be rated next year.

Someone once said that you make your own luck. I tend to believe this theory, and I think that there is proof positive in this story. Yeah, the original starting quarterback had to be injured for Mr. Warner to get his break, and that's luck (in a way...I'm sure that Warner never wished injury on him), but he still had to make something of his chance. And he did.

The whole thing makes me feel, if not more confident, at least more hopeful that when I eventually face the real world, that I can come out on top too. I may not be a Super Bowl champion, but I can achieve my goals in life.

12:30 PM | link

Friday, January 28, 2000

like driven snow

Yesterday, it snowed at the University during the course of a semester for the first time in four years. And I mean snowed.

Surely if you've been keeping up with the weather recently (as of the time of this writing), you've heard all about the freak snowstorm that's been going through the South. Well, at roughly 10:00 on January 27, 2000, snow started falling at the Baptist Student Center, where I was.

Now, I'm a big fan of snow. I come from a place that doesn't get it much, so seeing it and being in it is a big deal to me. But I thought it really interesting that two of my friends who were there with me were witnessing their first snowfall ever. I mean, they'd seen snow, but they'd never seen it falling before. And these are college students. Seeing the look on their faces was like getting a view at a 6-year-old's face on Christmas morning.

And what do we do when we find out it's snowing? We have a snowball fight, of course. Right out there in the parking lot of the student center. Roughly 15 college students acting like little kids in the snow. A block away or so, out on the Quad, I heard that hundreds of other students were doing the same thing.

Now, like I said, we were all college students here. But this was all perfectly sane for us to do -- because it was snowing.

This brings up an interesting point. Falling snow in Alabama is one of the few things I have ever seen that can take all kinds of people, each with their own troubles and cares, and bring them together to forget all of that and just be free. It allows them to release all of that worry, replacing it with the fear that the next snowball thrown is going to knock you smack in the head. In other words, it made us childlike again. It made us pure, in a way, like the very snow that was falling.

I loved it. We got about 5 inches or so of it. By the time morning came around, the snow had turned to a steady rain, and most of the snow had been turned to slush and water by it. And with it, you could feel a part of the kid in all of us leave.

Sometimes I wish that we'd have a snowstorm like this more often, so we can have more times like this. But I also realize that having them only every once in a while makes it special...it helps us to see it not from the weary eyes of college students, but from the bright eyes of children ready to get out and catch flakes on their tongues and build snowmen. It lets us relive, if just for a little while, those times when we were didn't have to think about so much and were more innocent. More pure, like the driven snow.

10:42 AM | link

Wednesday, January 19, 2000

the tyranny of the blank screen

I don't remember exactly where I heard it -- it could have been on an episode of "Frasier" -- but I remember someone one time speaking about the "tyranny of the blank page". That is to say, when one is trying to write for whatever reason, the first few words are always the hardest ones to get out. The same thing happens to painters...the first brushstroke is the hardest one to make on the blank canvas.

Today, after staring at my monitor, fingers not moving, for about twenty minutes, it occurred to me that this could be extended to web site design. I mean, think about it. You've got nothing but a blank screen except a

<html>
</html>

staring right back at you. What are you going to design?

The situation combines the problems of the above two. You have total control over both text and graphics -- compounding your situation. You want everything to mesh, to make sense when looked at on the whole. You want it to say something...to speak to the viewer, whether it makes them laugh, cry, or think.

In addition to that, you've got the worry that anyone will look at the thing at all. If you design a site, you like the idea of people coming to your site and looking at it. Otherwise, why are you designing it? When you start thinking about that, those two lines of HTML etch further into your brain.

Sometimes I know exactly what I'm going to do when I sit down at the computer, ready to design. Other times I don't really know, but I get inspiration from somewhere. But I've had a lot of those times where I just stare at those two lines and say, "What am I going to do with this?"

So I don't really have a solution. But it was fun writing about the problem. In this case, for me, it alleviated it.

5:40 AM | link

Monday, October 25, 1999

to autumn

Fall is finally really here. And I couldn't be happier. Finally, the wavering between 60-degree days and 80-degree days has stopped...

Autumn is one of my favorite times of year. There are plenty of reasons why.

First off, I like cold weather better than warm weather. It's brisk and it just feels good to me. It also means that I can wear cold-weather clothes again (which I like better than warm-weather clothing), especially flannel. This, of course, is a good thing. (A corollary to that is the occurrence of the now annual 1122 Flannel Quest, the third edition of which took place this past Friday.)

I like the changing of the leaves. I take a drive along River Road (they call it Jack Warner Parkway now, but it'll always be River Road to me) every Thursday in the fall semester to watch the progression of the changing of the leaves. I don't think I could live in a warm-weather climate, because I'd miss the leaves turning.

It's also football season...which, of course, I like.

I the biggest thing to me, though, is the fact that a triumverate of special days for me come in fall and the resulting winter. My birthday's in October...and then Thanksgiving and Christmas come. Those holidays will begin to take on added importance to me because now my sister and her husband will be visiting then. When I see my sister and her husband during Thanksgiving (at least, I think I will), it will have been over three months since I saw them last. It will be over two months since I last saw my parents.

Fall is a special time of year to me. Most people consider spring the time when all things are made new, but to me autumn holds that distinction too. I remember my own birth, football season comes back around, school starts up again (I only get to say that one more time until I have kids of my own!), and I see my family again.

So yeah, the temperature drops and the wind starts to blow. But my spirits generally start lifting as the leaves start falling.

9:43 AM | link

Wednesday, October 6, 1999

wish you were here

Today is my birthday. It really didn't feel different from any other day. But at the end of it, (that is, right now), I decided to take a look at my life and where it is. That got me thinking about people who've been involved in my life.

One thing that I realized was that this is the first birthday I've ever celebrated without my sister there. Of course, she's married and living some 12 hours away from me now. It's one of those things, I guess...she was up here with me for four years and seventeen or so before that, and now is when I finally realize all that she meant to me. I won't go into specifics, because that would take a while. Suffice to say that I miss her...

I looked back at this past month, in which I participated in the wedding of my childhood best friend (who married another good friend of mine, incidentally). I watched as they moved on into new parts of their lives.

And I knew that I wasn't as big a part of them as I used to be, nor would I ever be again.

That scares me somewhat.

But I know a couple of things from my time here at Alabama, both in undergrad and now...there's no way that everyone you know can stay in your life in the same capacity for all time. For that matter, no one really can. People change as time goes by...we all know that. I think that I was most amazed at that at my friends' wedding. I talked to people that night that I hadn't seen in five years or so. One of them had a baby and one on the way since I'd last seen him...another had been married and had a baby on the way. These were people that I grew up with...and now I'm more a memory than any integral part of their lives.

But another thing is that I don't forget them, and they don't forget me. I trade e-mails and phone calls with my friends, and I'm sure that one day it'll go to the point of trading Christmas cards and the occasional visit. We may be far apart, but one day we'll be back together again. At least that's my way of looking at it.

So I look out of my little corner of the world at the small mass of trees hiding the convenience stores from my view, and I reflect. I know that you're all out there...as I think about all of this, I wish that I could go into a place, just for one more night, where I wouldn't have to worry about all of this grown-up stuff. And all of you would be here with me. And I'd tell each of you what you meant to me.

8:31 AM | link

Sunday, September 5, 1999

simple little things

I got my cable disconnected two days ago. I sold a few old CDs that I don't listen to anymore. I also finally got a local ISP connection up here (I'm not using the university's dial-up system anymore).

Big deal, you say.

Well, each of these in and of themselves probably aren't a big deal. They're simple little things. But when combined, they're going to mark a big change for the good in my life.

How, you ask? Easy. I don't have cable anymore. I discovered this week that there are only two days out of the week that I truly care anything about watching television. The rest of the time I spend watching TV is purely out of habit. I come home, I flip on the television, and two hours pass before I realize what's happened. I figured out that the two nights that I really care about watching something weren't worth the time I wasted watching it or the money I spent on cable. So I went and got it disconnected. There are a lot of things that I plan to do with my new-found time, and when I watch Friends I can watch it with friends.

The CDs were along the same idea. I didn't really listen to them much anymore, and I figured that it would be better for me to get CDs that I actually did listen to instead of just keeping the old ones. So I sold six of my old ones to a used-CD place and bought two new ones.

The local ISP was also a no-brainer. I had wanted to go that route for a long time, because the university's dial-up connection only allows you to stay on two hours at a time (I don't normally spend that much consecutive time online, but it can be a pain downloading stuff) and because you can never get a connection when you need it. Realizing that I had an extra $30 each month from the cable to work with clinched the deal.

So, let's see...I no longer have in my life one of the biggest wasters of my time (cable TV), things that I never used anyway (the old CDs), and a somewhat useful but often-irritating ISP. I now have lots more free time, new CDs that are useful to me, and a better dial-up connection, not to mention $15 saved per month.

Simple little things. All I had to do was just put forth the effort to make the changes. And there probably a lot more of them in my life that I haven't noticed yet. Look for these...individually they might not mean a whole lot, but collectively they can really change your life for the better.

1:26 AM | link

Tuesday, August 17, 1999

touchpoints

I am now an official MBA student. I've heard the magic word at least fifty times today. Growing up, you might have heard that the magic word was "please." But come real close to the screen...I'll whisper the real magic word to you.

Networking.

I've learned of the magic of networking today, amidst other things. Time management. Setting goals and keeping priorities. Being involved. I've been doing it since eight this morning. I'm tired.

I suppose that I'm tired somewhat because we were going all around today, trying to tie up loose ends and going to meetings. But I think that more of my tiredness can be attributed to the fact that I've networked all day today for the first time in a long time.

You see, I'm basically an introvert in nature. I generally will be quiet for the most part, even in "orientation" settings, maybe offering a comment here or there in the conversation so that people don't shovel dirt on me and put a piece of granite near my head. But I realized that today would be an important day for me. Today would be the day that I would make a first impression, with not one but over 60 other people, with whom I would be sharing the MBA experience of the next two years. The whole thought of it was about as overwhelming to me as the whole idea of MBA school altogether.

And so I tried to be an outgoing version of myself. And I did okay, I guess. But it was exhausting. It'll take a lot out of someone who's not very adept at doing stuff like that. And that's one of the first things that I've learned as an MBA student...

Networking = Tylenol at the end of the day.

Now, obviously, I don't think of this whole thing as just a headache. It was time well spent; I've now met at least 2/3 of my class in some capacity or another. The experience has given me something very valuable...what I like to call a "touchpoint".

Touchpoints don't have to be people. They can be anything, anywhere, or anyone that you can go to and feel at least somewhat comfortable around. For example, I went to visit a relative this past weekend. She lives in a place that I had never been to. But knowing that she was there beforehand and the weekend that I had while there helped establish a new touchpoint.

Computers are touchpoints to me. I feel comfortable sitting down at one and doing things like writing about the day off the top of my head, which is something that I don't even do with a lot of people. (I've decided to keep a journal of my MBA experience, a la a good book that I just finished tonight, Snapshots From Hell: The Making of an MBA, which should be required reading for anyone considering this track (and no, I am not getting compensation for this :) )).

People, obviously, are touchpoints as well, and there are countless other things that I consider touchpoints in my life. But for every touchpoint that I have, there are things that I am not very comfortable about. This whole networking thing is still one of them. I still am not enthusiastic about the idea of mingling with 50 or more people that I've never met before and knowing something about them when the day is done. It's fun, in a way...but it's also scary for me. But at least, for now, I've talked to most of my classmates and learned something about them. While I still don't know a lot about them, I know that I will eventually know a good deal about some of them, and I also know that I never know everything about any touchpoint that I have. That's one of the good things about person "touchpoints", also known as friendships in the non-Brandon world...

You don't know everything about each other, but you know a lot about each other, and yet you like each other enough to hang around together anyway. :)

8:57 AM | link

Thursday, July 1, 1999

on neighbors moving out

My neighbors from across the hallway moved out tonight. I didn't even know their names.

Now, I haven't been in my new apartment all that long. But it's been long enough to where I would have thought I would have at least met them or something. Instead, the first time that I actually met them was tonight, when they knocked on my door to ask for a pair of scissors to use.

You know, I've never been one to be very outgoing or anything when it comes to meeting new people, but it seems to me that most people nowadays don't really get to know their neighbors all that well. In college, it's kinda understandable at first...you can have people on different schedules and the like. But you'd think eventually that I'd meet my neighbors. Nope...I never did. Never in four years of college did I do it.

I have to wonder...how many friendships have I missed that way? How many friendships has everybody missed because of someone not taking the courage to say hello?

And for that matter, what about other things? I wonder how many marriages never came about because one of the two couldn't get up the nerve to say hi. How many business partnerships never were formed?

And what of society? We've become a nation that knows people across the nation via the Internet better than we know the people across the hall. The more we keep to ourselves, the more that spirit will foster. Knowing your neighbors leads to a sense of community, which is pretty much a good thing. The more that people get to know each other, the more compassionate they'll be for their fellow man, and that's definitely something that's needed in today's society.

So maybe we should take the time to get to know our neighbors...who knows what may come of it? After all, it's more fun borrowing stuff from your neighbors when they're your friends too.

11:41 AM | link

Wednesday, May 6, 1998

Parting Shots 1998

(Or, some of what I learned this year)

Well, another year has come and gone. It seems like it's all going by so quickly now. I'm about to be a college senior, and I can easily remember when I was a high school senior. So much has changed since then...

Well, what have I learned this year? Many things...for one, how to budget my time a little better. (I'm still in the learning process on this one, as my project in CS 434 right now can attest to.) But I'm getting better. I learned how to play bridge this year...I still have yet to learn how to play well. (A pretty interesting game, for those of you out there who have never learned how...) I've learned some things in class, but I've probably forgotten most of it.

One of the things that I really have learned this year, though, is that people are very unpredictable. You think that you understand who they are and what they're like, and then they change in an instant. I kinda knew that already, but it's really interesting to me, considering that during the course of the year, I can name at least two examples of people changing dramatically. The change doesn't have to necessarily be for the worse, either. One of the changes I am speaking of was of a young lady who a lot of people thought was very quiet. Of course, you know the rest of the story. She turns out to be this hilarious, interesting, and just slightly crazy person when you start talking to her.

Another thing that I learned was how to open up a little more to people. I'm usually one of those people who don't share a lot about my life, just because usually I don't see anything really special about it. But I developed a idea that I stand by now...you are the only person who thinks your life is boring. The reason why is very simple...you're the one living it. Things that you have done that you consider to be routine or ordinary will be things that will fascinate other people because they haven't experienced them. God made us all different for many purposes...one of which is that by telling other people about the "boring" things that we do and have done, we'll let them in on experiences that they've never had. And, of course, vice versa. I can think of at least two people who have told me about things that they've done that I haven't, and then followed it up by, "But anyone can do that." To which my reply was, "Maybe so, but it's interesting because you've done it, and I haven't." Another good thing about opening up to people is that they will feel closer to you, and reciprocate. And that's what friendships are built on...taking a leap of faith, making yourself vulnerable, and having the other person accepting you and do the same.

I've also learned that people, even those who seem to be able to do just about anything, can be self-conscious about things. It seems that everyone feels, to some extent, that they're inferior to other people (or maybe just a couple of "example" people). The wonderful thing is (and I'm still in the process of learning this too) that we don't have to consider ourselves better or worse than other people...as a matter of fact, we can't. We have no guideline to serve as the measuring stick. It's not money, it's not power, it's not intelligence or humor or beauty or anything like that. None of those things are all-encompassing. Not to mention that they are things that one day won't even matter. When I die, I'm not going to be judged by any of those things. So why do most people try to belittle themselves? If I knew that, I wouldn't still do it. So that's something that I'm going to have to keep asking God...eventually, I'll learn the answer.

Thanks to all of my friends for everything this year...I'm going to miss all of you, no matter if you're in Oregon and Washington, or the Ukraine, or even if you're just going home for the summer. (To those of you who are coming to summer school, I'll miss you too, but for only a month or so. :) ) You have all been my teachers this year in some way, and for that I am grateful. And for those friends of mine who are graduating, (especially Misti Atwood, the young lady who brought me to the BCM for the first time (and many others besides), and Stephanie Davis, my first good BCM friend and other "big sister",) I am going to miss all of you so much. Good luck in everything that you do, and may God bless each and every one of you.

11:41 AM | link

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