wish you were here

Today is my birthday. It really didn't feel different from any other day. But at the end of it, (that is, right now), I decided to take a look at my life and where it is. That got me thinking about people who've been involved in my life.

One thing that I realized was that this is the first birthday I've ever celebrated without my sister there. Of course, she's married and living some 12 hours away from me now. It's one of those things, I guess...she was up here with me for four years and seventeen or so before that, and now is when I finally realize all that she meant to me. I won't go into specifics, because that would take a while. Suffice to say that I miss her...

I looked back at this past month, in which I participated in the wedding of my childhood best friend (who married another good friend of mine, incidentally). I watched as they moved on into new parts of their lives.

And I knew that I wasn't as big a part of them as I used to be, nor would I ever be again.

That scares me somewhat.

But I know a couple of things from my time here at Alabama, both in undergrad and now...there's no way that everyone you know can stay in your life in the same capacity for all time. For that matter, no one really can. People change as time goes by...we all know that. I think that I was most amazed at that at my friends' wedding. I talked to people that night that I hadn't seen in five years or so. One of them had a baby and one on the way since I'd last seen him...another had been married and had a baby on the way. These were people that I grew up with...and now I'm more a memory than any integral part of their lives.

But another thing is that I don't forget them, and they don't forget me. I trade e-mails and phone calls with my friends, and I'm sure that one day it'll go to the point of trading Christmas cards and the occasional visit. We may be far apart, but one day we'll be back together again. At least that's my way of looking at it.

So I look out of my little corner of the world at the small mass of trees hiding the convenience stores from my view, and I reflect. I know that you're all out I think about all of this, I wish that I could go into a place, just for one more night, where I wouldn't have to worry about all of this grown-up stuff. And all of you would be here with me. And I'd tell each of you what you meant to me.