thoughts
Parting Shots 2001
(or, some of what I learned this year)
Probably one of the most important things that I learned this year was that I have to live my life. Looking back on my life, so much time was wasted in mindless activity. I had forgotten that we don't have a lot of time here, and that we shouldn't be using it in vain. After all, it's not really ours to begin with.
It took me so many years to understand that part of living your life is making yourself vulnerable. Relationships cannot be developed in the mind, wondering if she'll say yes. It's not that I'd never asked before, but I'd never made a point to understand that the question can only be answered in one of three ways:
- Yes (in which case, woohoo!)
- No, but with an understanding of what you mean to that other person (which leaves you respecting the other person, treasuring that friendship that you do have, and perhaps even admiring them more).
- No, without that understanding (the equivalent of laughing in one's face; in this case you know that whoever it is doesn't deserve the relationship you wanted to give them).
I learned that sometimes you will be pushed to the very edge of what you consider your limit. I had felt before that I had reached that limit, but my fall semester taught me otherwise. There were several times that I was very close to just giving up. I often caught myself asking "Why did I do this again?" The end result of that semester, and this entire program, was a true sense of accomplishment. This replaced the self-doubt that I had come to college with, and even entered the MBA Program with. If I ever encounter something that seems like too much to overcome, I'll have that semester to look back on. To be able to say, "I made it through the MBA Program; I know that I can make it through this" is something that will undoubtedly prove invaluable.
I learned, finally, to be outgoing. Not having my sister or my best friend around all the time forced my hand somewhat here. But it was a lesson well-learned. I still don't consider myself an extrovert. I still tend to be quiet around groups of people that I don't know. But it's much less pronounced than before.
I learned to take hold of the time that I've been given with the people that I've been privileged to know, and to let them know just how I feel about them. After all, it may be a long time before I see some of them again. We're not promised our next breath. We need to make sure that our friends and family know how we feel.
I learned that some of the lessons that I have learned before bear repeating, time and time again. And I've learned that six years is not enough time to learn everything that you want to know. Or that you need to know, for that matter. Life is not about getting all the answers at the start and then encountering the problems, matching them with appropriate solutions.
I learned that I have a lot left to learn. I know that I have a life left to learn it. But looking back at the six years that I've been at this university, I can see just how far down the road I've come.
I'm ready for the next step.