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Brandon German's Guide to McDonald's
It occurred to me the other day as I was pulling out of a McDonald's in Centreville on my way home to UA. Some McDonald's are very good. Others are inherently evil. I mean so evil you have to pronounce the word eee-vill.
Why do I say this, you ask? Simple. I asked for my burgers (I got a #2 extra-value meal, which, for those who are not McDonald-philes, is a two- cheeseburger meal) with only mustard and pickles. In return, I get two burgers so inundated with ketchup that parts of the buns are soaked! What's up with that? Can't people understand?
So I decided that McDonald's needed to do something to bring its sub- par restaurants up to shape. Instead of doing something useful, such as writing the company and threatening to take my business to Burger King (new motto: "At least we don't use a clown and a talking purple blob as spokespersons"), I devised Brandon German's Guide to McDonald's ®.
To give accurate readings on each McDonald's, the same meal is used for each: the aforementioned #2 extra-value meal, super-sized, with a Dr Pepper for the drink. The evaluation is as follows: 1/3 of the grade goes toward the burgers: are there actually two of them (yes, I have gotten the special one-cheeseburger "two-cheeseburger meal"), are they hot, and especially do they have only mustard and pickles on them. (I mean, I don't like ketchup anyway, but McDonald's apparently adds about a tablespoon of sugar to each packet's worth. But that's a topic for another guest rambling.) Bonus credit if they actually give me more than a dab of mustard on each burger.
1/5 of the grade goes to the drink: having Dr Pepper, and giving some of it to me, gets full credit. Not having the sweet nectar, but informing me of the alternative flavor, is worth partial credit. Not informing me or giving me some other kind of flavor...well, it's just not pretty.
Another 1/3 goes toward the all-important fries. Here, three qualities matter. First, the fries had better be hot...no more than 20 minutes old. I don't want my hard-earned fast-food dollar going toward ice-cold potato sticks. Second, they'd better be crisp. I tremble inside at the thought of biting down into a fry, expecting a hot, crisp, crunchy sound, only to be met with a "squish" and a mouthful of grease. Third, they need to have salt on them, but not so much that you finish your Dr Pepper with half of the box remaining. That's just a tragedy that's too great for words.
The other portion of the grade goes to overall service and promptness. (Not much you can say about that, other than it's needed in an establishment that calls itself a "fast food" restaurant.)
So, what is the best McDonald's I've ever eaten at? I'd have to say the one right off of I-20 in Irondale. I'd give it a perfect score (although I did order a double-quarter-pounder with cheese extra- value meal that day, so my results might be slightly skewed). But I'm always testing, so McDonald's everywhere beware early-20's males asking for #2 extra-value meals.